Validation...Check...
- Tanisha E. Tuck
- Dec 2, 2018
- 3 min read
I've been posting all week about "seeking validation". Of course we all need to be validated. Children need to be validated by their parents to build up their self-esteem. Students may need to be validated by their teachers for encouragement. Spouses should validate each other. Counselors validate client feelings. Validation is not negative. It is in fact a positive thing. However, seeking validation from outside sources on a consistent and constant basis can lead to not so good things.
So, who is checking off your list? Is it social media; Facebook, Instagram, twitter, YouTube... Are you looking for a certain amount of "likes" on a post? Are you hoping that people will tell you that you are beautiful or great job?
Are you hoping that, that man will notice you and tell you that you are beautiful everyday or that he can't live with out you? Do you wish for your boss to tell you that you're doing a good job everyday? Don't get me wrong, it's great to get the compliments and the accolades. We all like for people to recognize our good deeds, our beauty and our good job. The question becomes, what happens when you don't get it? Hmmmm... Do you get sad? Do you become angry? Do you start to feel like you're not being noticed or that you're being overlooked? Do you feel inadequate? Do you begin to think that you're ugly? Do you feel like a failure?
If you answered yes to any of those questions it's time to look within. How do you feel about yourself? What will it take for you to approve of yourself instead of waiting for the approval of others? When will you begin to check off your own list?
I must admit, I have sought out validation from bosses, mates and friends to a point where I felt unworthy, unwanted, unnoticed and not measuring up. I had to teach myself and learn that I will not always be validated by others and began to validate myself and remind myself that God validates me. Of course I like to hear good job. Of course I like for the man in my life to tell me that I'm beautiful. Of course I like to see the "likes" and the hearts on Facebook when I post myself or give an encouraging word. But, that's not where my main validation comes from. I am now, most of the time, secure enough to know that I am doing a good job. That I am beautiful, inside and out and that someone is blessed by the things I post whether they say so or not.
There are times when I may want to hear something and I don't. It still stings a little but it doesn't ruin my day or make me feel less than anymore.
Validation is needed but it can be a slippery slope if you're insecure and have low self-esteem. It's human nature to want to be validated, just be careful of how much stock you put into outside sources.
I'm beautiful, "check". I am doing a great job, "check". I am enough, "check". God loves me for who I am, "check". Check off your own list. Encourage yourself daily. Repeat positive affirmations about yourself. Let yourself know that if the outside validation doesn't come that you are still great!
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