People Pleasers

Last week I did a post on Facebook and Instagram regarding my own "People-Pleaser" status, and what people pleasing can do to your overall health. You may think, "nah, just because I like to please people doesn't mean I'm unhealthy". On the contrary, your mental and emotional state is probably not that great and since all components go together, your physical wellbeing is probably compromised.

So, what is a People-Pleaser? I can answer this because I've been one for most of my life. I'd like to say that I'm a recovering People-Pleaser. I continually work at not being one. Helping people and enjoying it does not constitute, "People-Pleasing". People-Pleasers, are the "yes men/women". They say yes to just about everything. They don't want to make anyone upset. They don't want to let anyone down. They don't want to be talked about and they want to be accepted, among other things. So, they do whatever is asked of them by everyone. This is a dangerous space to be in. Often times, the so called, People-Pleaser is not even aware that by saying yes to everyone and everything; they are saying no to themselves. If I am saying, yes to every event, every call, every errand, every demand of everyone else; clearly my health is going to be at stake.

Having been a People-Pleaser for years I didn't recognize until now, that my feelings of being overwheled, exhausted, stresed and depressed may have resulted from my wanting to "do right", by everyone but myself. I wanted to make everyone happy. I never wanted anyone to be upset because I said no. I thought by just saying, yes, I would avoid conflict. I would just agree even when I disagreed. Being a People-Pleaser caused me to surpress my voice. I often nodded my head just to move on. I always wanted to make my parents pround; never wanting to make a mistake. Always wanted to make my teachers proud, bosses, friends, family... It literally made me sick. Thanks be to God I'm getting a handle on it now. I have my own voice. I'm able to say no and not give an explanation if none is needed; and I'm okay with it. There are times when I may revert back to feeling guilty or bad for saying no or not agreeing, but I quickly give myself a pep talk and move on.

Where are my People-Pleasers? Why do you want to please the world? Are you looking for validation? Are you afraid that you will disappoint someone? Are you afraid of being who you really are?

People-Pleasing is not being compassionate or sensitivive to the needs of others; though those that are People-Pleasers may genuinely be. Rather, it's a form of not loving yourself. When we truly love ourselves, we take care of ourselves. Stop and think about it. Do you truly love yourself? Are you happy with who you are? If so, then you will not worry about whether someone gets upset when you want to take care of you.

Take the first step and start saying, "no". You will begin to feel relieved, less stressed, less anxious and less overwhelmed. Once these feelings begin to lift, your body will feel lighter. You'll have less pain and tension, less fatigue and less irritability.

Psychology Today gives us 10 Signs You're a People-Pleaser

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can't say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry with you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lenghths to avoid conflict.

10. You don't admit when your feelings are hurt.

Do any of these apply to you? They each applied to me at some point in my life. At one point, everything listed applied to me.

People-Pleasing is a detrament to our overall health. Consider taking time out for you and just say, "no".

#becomeabetteryou #mindbodyspirit #beblessedandbewell

The views in this blog are my own personal views. The list came from an article in Psychology Today, Author Amy Morin.

I do not own the rights to the image.

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